Advertising Space for Rent 

I do not keep up with the latest cultural crazes. Occasionally a headline catches my eye and I skim the article. One such recent occurrence informed me of an interesting promotional opportunity: skinvertising. I am not actively seeking employment, but am always open to possibilities.

Skinvertising is a marketing tool in which the body is used to endorse brands, usually by tattooing slogans or logos on the skin.

My first reaction: this is bizarre.

On second thought: what a great way to earn extra bucks. 

Third notion: I could do that!

I believe I am an excellent candidate for body advertising. I have a lot of space available to rent. 

Corporate marketing departments and advertising agencies take note: Count me in!

The human body offers a great way to market various items. I travel. I walk often and, on flat terrain, can stroll for miles. I live in a resort community next door to a gambling mecca. The demographics of the area suggest that folks would be delighted to see one of their own as a walking billboard. I can mingle with the crowds and spend hours strolling through casinos, hotels, and other tourist sites. I would meander slowly along so curious folks would have plenty of time to notice and read the messages plastered on my body.

I would not be an embarrassment to my ad agency or sponsor. I would not wear skimpy or too-tight clothes. My outfits would be eye-catching with a moderate Wow! factor so ads are visible and attention-grabbing. 

I do have scruples and there are companies I would never work for, such as tobacco companies, weapons manufacturers, the makers of candy corn, and distributors of kale (I’ve tried but cannot develop a taste for the stuff). 

I have a few suggestions for companies interested in renting my body space:

My squiggly arms, the section between my shoulder and elbow, would be an excellent place to advertise wide-angle camera lenses. Or jewelers might publicize wide bracelets. I could advertise clothing or plush stuffed animals with tag lines such as, “(Product name) soft as Grandma’s arm.” The sentiment might endear people to the product and inspire them to remember and eventually purchase the merchandise.

During the summer the bottom of my feet can display ads for Dr. Scholl’s footpads. I can lie on the beach and elevate my feet just enough so the tagline would not be hidden in the sand. My hands, arms, or feet could display, “(Product name) lotion the best potion.” Or the logo could be placed across my stomach, a body part large enough to display a good-sized message.

I could sport an oversized pair of glasses with the product brand emblazoned on my forehead. The artist or brand name of large dangly earrings is another example of an item that could be advertised across my forehead. Additional forehead ideas include hair ornaments, head coverings, and hair care products.

The back of my legs offers further marketing opportunities. The possibilities are endless – shoes, leggings, clothing…

Ads would not be displayed all over my body. I will choose two or three quality products (at a time) to promote in this unique way.

My new vocation: skinvertiser – a real word, defined in Collins dictionary: A person who gets a tattoo to advertise a product or service.

Advertising rates are negotiable.

I can begin immediately.

Potential advertisers should not wait to contact me. Tourist season is fast approaching.