Musings on Old Friends Gone and Those Still Around

A friend texted me the obituary. I had not seen or spoken to Viv for years but considered her a dear past friend. She occasionally showed up in my Facebook feed. I am dismally neglectful at maintaining communications with folks as the years roll by. They moved away, I moved away, life interferes. Viv relocated to the other side of the country to be closer to her grandchildren, and we lost touch.

I Zoomed into the funeral and took the opportunity to remember, reminisce, and say goodbye. One of my friends, Kat, who lives almost across the country, in Las Vegas, also Zoomed in. Viv, Kat, and I participated in volunteer activities together. We celebrated joyful occasions and supported each other when life threw one of us a curve.

Following the funeral I called Kat, who I have kept in contact with over the years. We chatted for over an hour. We remembered Viv, and that conversation wandered back decades to happenings long forgotten. Our volunteer work often found us in the kitchen preparing luncheons for our women’s organization, desserts for social events, and meals for a homeless shelter. We are far more likely to eat out nowadays than cook meals for a crowd. We no longer prepare holiday meals for the extended and extensive family but enjoy the efforts of a younger generation.

Kat and I recalled life’s ups and downs and pondered where we are in life, decades later, physically and mentally. Divorces, remarriages, the arrival of grandchildren, health problems, professional issues, weddings, and funerals. Illness and accidents have lessened our scattered numbers. 

Most of my friends are still too young to die of ‘old age.’ I like to think we have many active years in front of us, but am confronted with the inescapable fact that the number of years ahead is limited. When talking with mature friends and relatives the question, “How are you?” is not a trivial one. 

We lead active lives until we don’t. We are healthier and live longer than our parents and grandparents. In the 1920s men were considered old at 55, and women by their late 40s. 65 was considered ‘very old’ or ‘elderly.’ Today men cross the threshold into old age at 76, and women at 80. 

Thank you Viv for opening a door to the past and allowing me to walk through. A peek into the past is bittersweet, a nostalgic panorama of lives hopefully well-lived. I felt like I viewed a painting with tough times and embarrassing situations minimized in the background, and the loveliest memories centered large on the canvas.