Surrounded by Abundant Affluence

I am surrounded by an abundance of very affluent people, houses, stores, and stuff. Every day I meander around my town and am amazed at the upscale, bougie culture replacing my previous laid-back, casual, unpretentious neighborhood. And nowhere is this more apparent than in the massive homes being built, renovated, and reconstructed. My humble abode is unfortunately fast becoming a member of a soon-to-be-extinct local group: modest dwellings.

I stare in awe at mansions under construction and marvel at the real estate listing: 5 or more bedrooms, 5 or more bathrooms, a couple of powder rooms, one or two laundry rooms, maybe a pool, an elevator if multi-level, a long list of marvelous amenities, and all furnishings, appliances, equipment top of the line. I wonder where the people buying these homes – almost exclusively second or third residences – get their $$$?

I am not in the market for any of these houses and am not interested in selling my home. But I wonder what a creative realtor might do to make my place soar from a small, boring, and mundane place to a marvelous must-have.

The fantasy listing might read something like this, with the reality in parentheses:

Adorable beach cottage three short blocks from sea and sand (short to a 6’6” guy with long legs). 

Half a block to the bay (no water access. Water views replaced by 3-story homes.)

Professional landscaping (I am not paid but after years of sporadic gardening why can’t I call myself a professional?)

Expansive backyard deck with plenty of room for chaise lounges, chairs, picnic table, and even a chimenea. (deck paint peeling, steps need repair, currently cheap chairs and table adorn the space)

One-car detached garage with lots of storage (Lots of storage because a car hasn’t graced the inside of the garage in decades. Maybe a mini-Cooper or beach buggy could squeeze in, but then there wouldn’t be room for anything else) 

Clean, uncluttered living space with an open kitchen, dining area, and family room. (showings scheduled the day the cleaning crew comes. Otherwise clean is a misnomer.)

Three spacious bedrooms are tastefully decorated (two accessed via a narrow, steep staircase. Mix-and-match, eclectic furniture).

Two bathrooms and one powder room (small by modern standards).

Plenty of closet space (for baby-sized clothes. Opening closets without homeowner’s assistance is prohibited and can be dangerous. Not enough closet space anywhere in the house)

New roof, hardwood floors, fresh paint throughout (new when current owners moved in 13 years ago)

Updated kitchen appliances and cabinets (updated 13 years ago)

Handsome brick-faced fireplace in the family room (not working, needs cleaning)

Quiet neighborhood (except when weekend and holiday revelers and their dogs descend)

Walkable and bike-rideable neighborhood. Meet your neighbors, enjoy coffee at our local coffee café, shop at nearby stores, and eat at local restaurants. And in summer, patronize the best ice cream parlor within miles and enjoy city-sponsored entertainment. (all true)

Call for more information about this one-of-a-kind unique property.

You will fall in love with this place.

The home will not be on the market for long.

Priced to sell –

$1.1 million

(If interested in paying this exorbitant price for my piece of the planet, let me know ASAP. I will take the money and run. If not, that’s OK. I love my cottage by the sea. 

Full disclosure: If thinking about buying, hurry. I don’t know how long the place will exist, thanks to climate change.)